Yesterday, while waiting at the airplane gate and typing away on my laptop, an older woman starts taping me “discreetly” with her point and shoot. I stare at her and she puts away the camera and acts as if nothing had happened.

What the hell was she recording?

I was using a laptop, had an iPad next to me, and two cell phones piled on top of that. My only conclusion is that she was reporting on ridiculous gadgets or ridiculous young people… or maybe just dumb people who leave their stuff laying around at airports.

As someone who oft records weirdos on public transport, I can completely understand that. But me? Am I that odd?

I’m kicking myself for not asking. But it was just so weird. And awkward.

Deep down I fear I’m for some reason being spied on for my secrets to burrito eating success an snappy dressing.

Has this ever happened to you?

Twitter, I wasn’t going to tell you this. But now I’m walking funny and you need to know. Yesterday while playing keep-away from my dog with a softball she head-rammed me in the back of the knees.

Yes, she tried to take me out. Forever.

I was running around the baseball diamond with the giant yellow softball. “Na nya. I have the baalllll. Na nananana!” Then whammo.

Blow to the back of my legs. She must have had a serious running start because it felt like a 150 pound obese 7th grader plowed right into me. I was knocked into the dirt, face first then somehow bounced to my side, where a bruise the size of Alaska will now live out its days.

Of course Melbs and a bunch of actual obese teenagers saw it happen. None said a word which was almost worse than them laughing. Right? Right?

So that’s all. My dog apologized. I’m limping but okay. Just another day in my fabulous life. You’re welcome.